Some funny one liners...

1. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
2. I Haven't Lost My Mind. It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.
3. Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work is done here.
4. I don't suffer from stress. I’m a carrier.
5. Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe in chocolate.
6. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
7. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
8. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
9. I'm not rude. You're just insignificant.
10. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
11. I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight.
12. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
14. Born free. Taxed to death.
15. The 11th commandment: Thou Shall NOT Whine!
16. Coffee. Chocolate. Men. Some things are just better rich.
17. If they don’t have chocolate in heaven, I’m not going.
18. It’s not just the ups and downs that make life difficult. It’s the jerks.
19. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
20. I'll try being nicer if you will try being smarter.
21. I don’t know what I want, but I do know I don’t have it yet.
22. All Men Are Animals. Some Just Make Better Pets.