Strange isn’t it, that one minute you are closer to someone than anyone else in the whole wide world and the next you don’t want to have anything to do with them again because they’ve hurt you in ways you didn’t even think were possible. And even though the decision was yours to break away, it still feels weird. How odd it feels to suddenly cut off all communication with someone whom you were so connected to that you knew what they were doing every minute of every day. So what does one do with all those memories and all that one knows about the person ? What happens to all that one shared with that person which is just between the two of you ? At one point all those memories were a source of joy and now even thinking about it causes pain. The secret code that existed between the two of you that no one else could decipher is lost forever. One wonders if the person will ever share the same with someone else and what it would mean to them then. Would it be the same? Would it have the same value? One wonders whether the person will ever think about it and wonder how and why things turned out like this. Or is it all conveniently forgotten like some bad dream ?
I’ve always believed in keeping my silence once things are over because whatever transpired is between the two of us and no one else has a right to know it, now or ever. I hope the other person feels the same way as I couldn’t bear to think of any third party being privy to my innermost feelings, thoughts and emotions other than the person whom I chose to share it with. I wonder if I would have shared all that I did, if I knew that someday that person would no longer be a part of my life. I guess some things one will never know and if we keep anticipating and worrying about the future it’s very difficult to enjoy the present. I know the smart thing to do is to look ahead and to move on and I have. There is no point in dwelling on the past, but sometimes when things are quiet and my mind wanders, I think of old times when things were so different and then it hurts to feel….
2 comments:
A friend once told me that "you have a choice". I've always believed that is not true. Some choices are just not there. We make decisions not based on choices really, but based on changes and circumstances. Time is a great healer, but it never heals some marks that remain forever.
I liked it.
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