Memories of Singapore

This morning I awoke and my dreams were so vivid that I almost expected to be lying in my hostel room in Singapore. Such wonderful memories of days gone by, that I spent the morning sitting near the window watching the rain, listening to the sound of falling leaves and let my mind wander back to those happy times. It seems like only yesterday and already it’s been nearly a year since we first landed at Singapore Airport, a large bunch of confused people, anxious to get our MBA degrees in hand and get back to work. And now when it’s time to go back to work, I wish I had realised the importance of those days of happy, carefree existence, maybe I would have cherished it more.

I still remember landing at the airport and looking around anxiously for the “SP Jain” board. There were three of us and we just could not locate the board, so we reached the metro exit before we realised that we were headed in the wrong direction. Then we had to re-trace our steps, in the process we found another lost soul who was also looking for the same elusive board, and had strangely enough been on the same flight as us from Bangalore but we had been blissfully unaware of his existence till then. Anyway we joined forces and continued our search till we saw an assorted group of grumpy people sitting on luggage and generally loitering about and realised that it must be SP Jain students. I still remember a certain gentleman who insisted on sitting with his feet on his luggage and his headphones on his head and completely ignored the rest of us, or another who was just searching for anyone who would come with him for a smoke or one woman who had pulled out food from her luggage, which was in a neatly packed aluminium foil containing puri and aloo and she was devouring it while making feeble attempts to offer it to anyone who looked in her direction. Strange how deeply etched all these memories are and how clearly I can see them even now and all the assorted expressions on peoples faces from irritation, anger, annoyance, excitement, happiness or just plain disgust at having to wait so long at the airport.

I remember the drive to the hostel and the first glimpse we got of the campus, I was totally awestruck. It really was more beautiful than any of the pictures I had seen of the campus on the website. Till then I had been worried, anxious and scared but after that first glimpse I knew that this year would be special and everything I had ever dreamed that it would be and it has been that and so much more!

Looking back it’s a happy blur of classes, with oodles of pre-reading which we soon gave up on, endless group works and stressful subjects taken by Professors like Mr. Ram Kumar and Mr. Suranjan Das. I remember those long nights when we stayed up and tried to come up with creative ways to get our points across and how by early morning anything anyone said was hysterically funny. Those long nights really built strong friendships and I remember making popcorn and stocking up on chocolates before heading to Einstein’s den for group work or sitting in a friends room in the middle of the night and eating salami, mayonnaise and theplas, what a horrendous combination when you come to think of it, but at the time it tasted even better than five star food !

Early mornings were spent checking email and searching for other people who were awake so that we could go on walks down Cantebury and enjoy the lovely morning breeze and the breathtakingly beautiful view. On days when we had classes it was always fun to go for a bath and chat with those in adjoining cubicles while taking a shower. Some people actually carried their phones to the bathroom and provided the rest of us with good music while we had our baths and I even know of a few people who timed their baths to coincide with some of the music people so that they would be pleasantly entertained while bathing!

Classes were spent faking attention and making fun of those who insisted on “DCP” (desperate class participation). I don’t think any of us would have survived the MBA if it was not for gtalk! Some brave souls even used class time to play cricket on the computer, listen to music and surf websites.

The long queues at the canteen and cribbing about the food added to the day’s drama and provided some comic relief. The canteen was a place where we would sit and talk about things over pav bhaji and butter milk and discuss what future course of action we should take towards problems that we were facing at the time. And we always had a long list of things which were plaguing us, one would think we were given all the worlds problems to solve the way we used to debate and discuss different courses of action.

Evenings were spent gathering people to head towards Fair Price to stock up on groceries, which were promptly stolen from the fridge but we never gave up our resolve or faith in the human race and continued to stock up on food. We then wrote our names with black marker on all the food in the bleak hope that at least when someone stole our food they would know whom it belonged to and feel at least slightly guilty of depriving us of our breakfast ! It was always fun to go as a huge group to the supermarket for then the walk to and fro seemed really short and inconsequential.

Nights were spent chatting online and then meeting downstairs for long walks at night to just un-wind and talk about the days events with close friends. Sometimes we used to sit on the benches and listen to music on the laptop and sing along or take walks to 7/11 where some would drink beer while others would eat Ben & Jerries or drink snapples! Some nights were spent sitting on the benches near the heritage building and talking about our dreams, hopes and desires. How blissfully happy we all were then and so content.

On other nights we would go in search of movies and then settle down with friends and watch the movie on a laptop till early morning or go down to the lecture halls in our jammies to watch the movies screened by the movie club.

At 12 ‘o’ clock on most nights the hostel would ring with the cries of “Leylo” and which ever poor souls birthday it was, would get “Leylo-ed” with gusto. The whole process would involve the person being doused in a bucket full of soap water and anything else that was handy from toothpaste to tomato sauce. And then the kicking or the so called “birthday bumps” would start. On nights when it was not anyone’s birthday some poor bakhra would be caught and “leylo-ed” for entertainment. It was the only time that I used to be happy that I was a girl since this was only done to the boys.

And then I have some assorted memories of days gone by. I once recall sitting with a broom in hand for close to an hour to help a friend chase a lizard out of his room or the time that a flying beetle entered our room and my roommate and I screamed so loudly that not only did it bring all the girls on our floor running to our room, some boys also used the opportunity to come to the girls floor to check what had happened!

Or my birthday which was right at the beginning of the course, how it rained that day, we were totally drenched even before we reached Clarke Quay! And nearly everyone from SP Jain was at Clarke Quay so it was nice to have a huge gathering there to celebrate mine and a friend’s birthday. That day was the beginning of many new friendships for me. Clarke Quay was always a fun place to un-wind and we often went there afterwards to have a drink at Crazy Elephant or Café Iguana. We also often went clubbing to Clinic, Pump Room, F-Bar and MOS. Nights were then spent drinking pitchers of Jack Daniels and dancing till day-break. All visits to Clarke Quay were not complete without a huge ice cream at Hagen Daas. On days when we partied real late we had breakfast at Mc Donalds. And sometimes we took long peaceful walks by the water at Clarke Quay after spending the night dancing, and watched the boats and listened to the water lap against the boats. Such a romantic walk and so incredibly beautiful!

Late night partying always ended with late night baths. Somehow I never could stand the smell of the smoke in my hair and on my clothes. Those late night baths were strangely peaceful and the only time when one could have a nice long bath without having people knock at the door and ask umpteen times when you would be coming out.

Holland Village! How can I ever forget the good food! We spent time in Holland village trying out new restaurants or going to Walla Walla to listen to live rock music which always reminded me so much of home! Cold Rock, was a place we always wanted to go to for ice cream at Holland but most of the time we went to there, by the time we had finished eating the place was closed. But I did manage to go there once with a friend just before we left Singapore and it was really yummy!

Then there was the time that I realised that I was getting too chubby and decided that I should go for an evening jog to lose weight. So I enlisted two of my friends to help me with my weight loss program. The first day we set off they both took off like they were running the 100 m dash and left me way behind. I of course decided that I was not going to be induced to run any faster, for after all, those two idiots were both over six feet tall and took long strides, and there was no way on earth that I could keep up with them. So I continued at a steady pace and they soon slowed down and joined me. The next day, they both were too tired and refused to come for a jog, so I had to catch another willing soul who was sweet enough to accompany me.

Then there were days when the course seemed unbearable and we just picked up our bags and went out shopping to Orchard or to Bugis. Once we had picked up a few pairs of shoes the world seemed a much more pleasant place to live in. Then we would go eat yummy crab and prawns at Jumbo and return satiated and content.

Some times for lack of anything else to do we went for walks to Labrador park to watch the boats or to Vivo City and Harbour Front where we window shopped and ate at Marche’s or Pasta Mania and returned happy. Just thinking of the desserts at Marches, especially the Oreo Chocolate Cheesecake makes my mouth water! Ah, food! I love eating!

And then there were times when we just couldn’t eat the food at the canteen and we set off to Mc Donalds, Subway, Gilman Village or Oscars to fill our empty stomachs. I still remember walking back in the sweltering heat, eating ice creams from Mc Donalds which would slowly melt all the way back to hostel. When the craving for Indian food hit us we would take a bus to “Rangoli” or go to Boat Quay to eat at the Indian Restaurant there or go to little India to eat at “Jade of India” or the hundreds of other restaurants there.

The best part about Singapore is the amount it rains, and after I lost my dad the rain always makes me feel happy for then I somehow feel closer to him. I remember once sitting with a friend and listening to music while watching the pouring rain through the window. It was one of the more incredibly beautiful sights and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so blissfully content.

Riding the Cable cars to go to Mount Faber or Sentosa was always a fun experience even though I was always terrified, as I can’t stand heights. I recollect getting into a cable car with friends who insisted on scaring the day lights out of me by telling me what would happen if it fell. They also insisted on moving around constantly to take photographs leaving me terrified for most of the trip.

Our trip to Mount Faber on Independence Day was so much fun. It was a beautiful sight to watch the fireworks from that height. After the fireworks were over we ate Cornetto ice creams and just stood there enjoying the breeze. Somehow I always associate that night with a certain sense of peace, our first sem exams were over, there was nothing to worry about, we were leaving for Batam on a holiday the next day and my mum was coming to Singapore in two days time. It really was one of the best times ever!

Batam, what can I say?! The best holiday ever! From romantic walks on the beach, to jet skiis, to getting completely drunk and falling down the stairs, it was one hell of a holiday! Please note that I fell down the stairs even before any alcohol was consumed and it had more to do with my complete lack of balance and less to do with any external factors. This led to many nights spent nursing a hot water bottle and many new friendships with kind souls who were nice enough to give me a back massage and make my life more bearable!

Falling sick in hostel was a unique experience and made me realise that it’s often the people who we least expect who come and take care of us in our time of need. From a friend who fed me baked beans and bread when I was sick with high fever (because in some misguided way he felt that, that is what sick people should be eating), to others who gave me medicines to still others who lent me hot water bottles, I’m grateful to all, for without them I don’t think I would have survived.

I remember the sleepless nights I spent when my friends were sick, I would sit in their rooms and worry trying to be of any help possible. I once slept in a chair for most of the night just because a friend was feeling ill and wanted company. How we all bonded and tried to make each other feel loved and cared for especially when we were sick as we were all so far away from home.

The whole Singapore Experience would not be complete if I did not mention the Tiger Airways flight back to India which nearly 50 of us took irrespective of our final destinations. I would like to believe that the folks from “Chinnai” conned us into visiting their city by telling us that it was way cheaper and would be fun. I won’t refute the fun part but it was not cheap at all, since we all ended up paying for excess baggage and some of us had to take domestic flights to our final destinations during which we had to pay for the excess baggage again!

The whole episode was a fiasco from start to finish. The Tiger Airways flight was horribly delayed due to technical problems and so there we were at the airport, half- MBA’s, most of us still groggy after the final SGP submissions with nothing to do. So like typical MBA’s we pulled out our laptops and got busy. Some folks checked email, others watched movies, played games, read e-books and still others like myself stuck to conventional things like a hardcopy book and an i-pod to entertain myself during the long wait. Due to the delay in the flight they fed us sandwiches and juice, and I remember sitting with friends and consuming a nice bar of dark lindt chocolate at the airport for dessert. Then finally our flight was called for boarding and we all ambled towards the plane, half asleep and tired. I don’t recall much of what happened on the flight except that there was really bad turbulence and it was awfully cold, till some kind soul gave me his jacket and then I promptly fell asleep. Before I fell asleep I was smart enough to scare a friend who was sitting next to me into promising that I would not be disturbed. I remember mentioning that I would be most annoyed if woken up and so to avoid my wrath, he protected me from over enthusiastic airhostesses and anyone else who felt inclined to wake me from my slumber. And then finally we were back on Indian soil after five months of having lived in Singapore!

Singapore! Ah, what sweet memories, I’ll never forget those days! I fell in love with Singapore in my first visit and now time can only make my feelings stronger. They say the further you go the more you remember, maybe that’s why things are clearer now. So sometimes when things are quiet and peaceful, I withdraw into silence, where moments of life past and forgotten, moments lost and hidden away, are all waiting to be recovered and enjoyed once again….

Empathy

There are few things more consoling to men than finding that other men have felt as they feel.
-Unknown

Phases

The pain of the moment though deadening in its intensity is but one blip when viewed in the larger canvas of an entire life time.

Laughter

You cannot stay mad at someone who makes you laugh.

Adventures in Kerala

After completing a stressful, exciting and exhilarating one year MBA from SP Jain Dubai –Singapore, I decided to take a refreshing holiday in Kerala to recover, so Mum and I packed our bags and headed to Calicut.

On my first day at my ancestral house, I awoke to hysterical screams from mum who was clearly distraught. On further probing, I was able to find out that she had ventured into the bathroom only to be greeted by a flying frog. No idea how the frog managed to get into the bathroom but there it was, merry as ever, jumping on the buckets and generally having a gala time, while mum was clearly troubled. Mum asked whether I had become braver after going to B school and once it was established that I was still as frightened as ever of frogs, let alone the flying variety, we locked the bathroom door and went in search of someone who was braver than the both of us.

The first person we chanced upon was our maid, Anna Kutty who on hearing about our predicament was genuinely concerned and accompanied us to the bathroom to help get rid of the creature who had dared to invade our home and our peace of mind. She bravely marched into the bathroom and searched high and low for the frog but the frog had done the vanishing act and was nowhere to be found. She declared the bathroom a safe zone and emerged. Mum decided to be brave and went for a bath, she finished her bath without any excitement.

Then it was my turn, I gingerly entered the bathroom and looked around, somehow I was not convinced that the frog had left, call it the sixth sense or whatever but I could feel those little beady eyes looking at me, I just couldn’t figure out from where. I then decided to fill water in one of the buckets so I turned on the hot water tap and just as I was going to touch the cold water tap, I saw a pair of bulging beady eyes staring at me! There was the frog happily sitting on the cold water tap. I don’t think I’ve ever screamed so loudly in my entire life!

The good part was, that it galvanised the entire household into action, my mum came running, closely followed by my saviour, Anna Kutty and my grand aunt who is deaf in one ear. I had exited the bathroom in record speed and was sitting shivering on the bed, I’m sure I could have qualified for a Guinness record! Then Anna Kutty bravely entered the bathroom and tried to catch the frog, mum decided to help her by giving her a bucket to catch the frog in, but just as she opened the door to help Anna Kutty, the terrified frog jumped on the bucket. Mum threw the bucket and ran for her life in the process falling and bruising her self. So those of you, who thought I was disgracefully accident prone, please note that it’s hereditary!

Anyway the frog was finally caught and disposed off after about half an hour. I was weak with fright by then and had to take a small nap before I was able to proceed for a bath again. And even then I kept looking around the whole time that I was having a bath expecting flying frogs to come leaping out of no where! So much for a relaxing holiday in Kerala !

Listening

It's amazing how much you can hear when no one is saying anything.

Strength

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from indomitable will.
-Jawaharlal Nehru

Luck

Those who have succeeded at anything and don't mention luck are only kidding themselves !

Top Ten Favorite Songs for the Month of April

• Rockstar –Nickelback
• You –Switchfoot
• Cry –Mandy Moore
• Crush – Jennifer Paige
• With or Without you –U2
• Blurry –Puddle of Mudd
• How to save a life –The Fray
• Wicked Games – Chris Isaac
• 9 PM till I come –Atb
• Here with me -Atb

Fate

How a person masters his fate is more important than what his fate is.
-Unknown

Thought for the day !

It is a great misery that some people do not have enough wit to speak well, nor enough judgement to keep quiet.
-Unknown

Reflections

When you've seen all there is to see outside, then it's time to see what's inside.

Making a Point

You don't have to be loud to be heard !

Italian Proverb

If you scatter thorns,
Don't go barefoot.

Faith & Belief

You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.
-Unknown

Happiness

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy despite ones own situation !

Love

One is loved because one is loved.
No reason is needed for loving.
-Unknown

Dreams

The possibility of a dream coming true is what makes life interesting !

Beauty of Life

The beauty of life does not depend on how happy you are,
But on how happy others can be because of you !

Change

No man ever steps in the same river twice,
For it's not the same river and he's not the same man.
-Unknown

Self Confidence

I can be changed by what happens to me, I will not be reduced by it !
-Unknown

Interesting Thot

Ironic isn't it, that the threat of death, makes people a lot more aware of their lives ?!

Faith

Some things have to be believed to be seen.
-Unknown

Fear

Fear is that little dark room where negatives are developed !
-Unknown

Life

Life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death, that's all !
-Unknown

Expectations

Expectations take the joy out of life !
-Unknown

Perseverance

It's always too early to give up, it's never too late to try !
-Unknown

My Motto in Life

It's not the cards you are dealt, it's how you play the game !
-Unknown

Fate

To hold a grievance against fate accomplishes nothing; things occur without reason or rhyme, and no more can be said. Railing against such fortune is to censure wood smoke or wind and to be sorrowed through all the days of your passing. In the end, there is nothing left except to shoulder whatever you have been handed and to go on.

-A Thousand Country Roads –Robert James Waller

Choice

Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you !
-Richard Bach

Why ?!!

One thing I will never really understand is relationships and why people get involved in them. The following lines from “The Bridges of Madison County” sum up my feelings really well…

“There are old winds that I still do not understand, though I have been riding, forever it seems, along the curl of their spines. I move in Dimension Z; the world goes by somewhere else in another slice of things parallel to me. As if, hands in my pockets and bending a little forward I see it through a department store window, looking inward.”

Some times I stand there wondering whether this is happening to me or to someone else. It seems almost absurd. Looking back I wonder what made me get involved and there are no concrete answers…I guess…

“Euclid was not always right. He assumed parallelness, in constancy, right to the end of things; but a non-euclidean way of being is also possible, where the lines come together, far out there. A vanishing point. The illusion of convergence. Yet I know it’s more than illusion. Some times a coming together is possible, a spilling of one reality into another. A kind of soft enlacing. Not prim intersections loomed in a world of precision.”

So maybe that’s just it… it’s not black and white… just shades of grey…

-Quotes taken from the "Bridges of Madison County" by Rober James Waller

Lost

The way to love anything is to realise that it might be lost !

-G.K Chesterton

Top Ten Favorite Songs for the Month of March

• Friday –Daniel Bedingfield
• This is how you remind me –Nickelback
• This Kiss – Faith Hill
• Someday – Nickelback
• When you’re looking like that – Westlife
• Dreams –The Corrs
• King of My Castle –Wamdue Project
• Summer Rain -Belinda Carlisle
• Life Goes On - Le Ann Rimes
• Hands Clean -Alanis Morissette

Loneliness

It is extreme evil to depart from the company of the living before you die.

-Seneca

Good Bye

I was pre-occupied, half asleep,
It too me a while to discover, I was in too deep,
I never planned it, for me it was a fall,
It's a painful way down, to nothing at all,

I’ve lost count of the times that I’ve given up on you,
And all the promises you made to get me back to you,
So I put my keys in the car, but it wouldn’t drive,
I sat with my hands on the wheel, looking barely alive,
I know I’m not an angel, but don't think that I won't try,
I know I'm not an angel, but that doesn’t mean that I won't fly,

For Freedom comes when you learn to let go,
Happiness comes to those who learn to say no,
You were my lesson, I had to learn,
I touched fire, I had to burn,

For every mistake, I’ll have to pay,
I’ve come to work, I’ve come to play,
Now I need to find another way,
I’ve had the courage to break away,
I’ve learnt how to say goodbye,
Now I yearn to say goodbye!

-Inspiration from assorted song lyrics

Realisation

Here I go again,
I see the crystal visions,
I keep my visions to myself,
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness,
Like a heartbeat...drives you mad,
In the stillness of remembering what you had,
And what you lost,
Thunder only happens when it's raining,
Players only love you when they're playing,
Say women they will come and they will go,
When the rain washes you clean, you'll know !

-Lyrics from "Dreams"- The Corrs

Wicked Games

A fleeting glance,
A brave stance,
A wicked thought,
A half smile caught,
A last chance,
For one last dance,
A Promise to withstand,
All of hell to hold my hand,
Well, too long, too late,
Another lifetime you’ll have to wait!

Memories

I watch the sky turn black to blush,
Head still spinning from the rush,
Of all the things I’ve done,
And I take it with me when I leave,
The crowded skyline,
The sleepless city always leaves its mark,
Just close my eyes and I'm back again,
These dawn-lit streets begin to fill ,
With memories of you and I
On a New York City night!

-Paraphrased from "New York City" by Paul Van Dyk

Sadness

Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Achieving the Impossible

In order to attain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd.

-Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra

Madness

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it !

-Robin Williams

Witches ! :-p

A dangerous woman is one who has no women friends. It is easy to fool men, it is much tougher to fool women!

Identity Crisis

I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn,
I'm the only one who's noticed,
I can't be the only one who's learned,
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do,
Or who I'm supposed to be,
I don't want to be anything other than me !

-paraphrased from "One Tree Hill" Theme Song

Passing Phase

I'm not afraid of anything in this world,
There's nothing you can throw at me,
That I haven't already heard,
And if the night runs over,
And if the day won't last,
And if your way should falter,
Along this stony pass,
It's just a moment,
This time will pass !

-Paraphrased from lyrics of "Stuck in a moment"

Music & Dance

To me music provides a path or a means to connect with others and to better understand myself. Music helps me unwind and find a sense of peace when I'm troubled, it cheers me up when I'm sad,comforts me when I feel lost and last but not least celebrates with me when I'm happy. To me music expresses that which cannot be put into words but at the same time cannot be held inside.

I listen to a wide variety of music from country music to trance. I enjoy listening to music which has good lyrics but I also like music in foreign languages, which I don't understand but where the beat and the musical instruments are so beautiful that I'm able to enjoy the music, as much as I would, if I could understand the words !

For me music and dance go hand in hand. I love to dance and completely let myself go when I go dancing and then for a short time I'm transported to an imaginary world where everything is different. Dancing helps me let go of my inhibitions and makes me feel at one with the universe atleast for a short period of time.

I know for sure that without music and dance I would die! To me stopping the flow of music would be like stopping life itself, totally and utterly insane and inconceivable ! For music and rhythm are always able to find the secret path to ones soul !

Some things I will Never Understand

During our childhood we are brought up to believe that we can do anything we want, be anyone we want, go anywhere we want and achieve anything we want. We grow up as strong confident human beings only to find that weak people always get their way. It’s sad that the only way to get your way with other people is to display your weaknesses. It sickens me to think that weak people always get their way by playing the sympathy card and those of us who conduct ourselves with dignity are the losers in the end. We are called heartless, villains and other such choice words only because we intimidate other people, especially men.

Men like weak women; it makes them feel strong maybe even macho. Why can’t they feel the same about strong women? It’s not that we don’t need to be taken care of, it’s just that we don’t feel the need to act like blubbering blithering idiots and sob hysterically at the first sign of a problem. Does that make us too tough for men to handle? Does it scare them?

I once made the mistake of asking a man why he was sympathetic to such a woman and he had the audacity to tell me that she was sensitive??!! Really?! I mean does that imply that the rest of us have no feelings, just because we don’t believe in making fools of ourselves in public. What a huge price to pay for being strong!

What we need is strong men who are proud of the women in their lives, be it their mothers, sisters, girl friends or wives. Not fools who want weak pathetic women in their lives just so that they can feel adequate!

I hope some things will change in future !

I wish all you beautiful, strong women out there a very Happy Women’s Day!

Love

Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better.

-William Shakespeare

Who am I ?

I'm the darkness in the light,
I'm the left ness in the right,
I'm the sadness in the joy,
I'm the will you'll not destroy,
I'm the beauty in the beast,
I'm the sunset in the east,
I'm the world you'll never see,
I'm the slave you'll never free,
I'm the why not in the why,
I'm the spirit in the sky,
I'm the catcher in the rye,
I'm the twinkle in ur eye,
Who am I ???!!!

-Paraphrased from "Gin Soaked Boy"

Inconsistency

Sigh no more,
Ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in the sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.

-William Shakespeare

Revenge

What restrains me from revenge is partly moral scruple, partly the view that no man should be punished when he is willingly torturing himself, and partly what may be described as a sense of humour!

If Everyone Cared

If everyone cared and nobody cried,
If everyone loved and nobody lied,
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride,
Then we'd see the day when nobody died.

-"If Everyone Cared" by Nickelback

Complacence

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

-Edmund Burke

Winds of Change

The world is closing in,
Did you ever think,
That we could be so close,
The future's in the air,
I can feel it everywhere,
Blowing with the winds of change,
Walking down the street,
Distant memories,
Are buried in the past forever,
I follow my own dreams,
Listening to the winds of change

-Paraphrased from Winds of Change by the Scorpions

Thought for the day !

Friends are God's way of apologising to us for the other morons that we have to meet along the way !

A Man of Substance

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Comfort

I know there is strength in the differences between us, I know there is comfort where we overlap.

-Ani Difranco

Top Ten Favorite Songs for the Month of Feb

• Put your hands up 4 Detroit – Fedde Le Grand
• Sunrise –Norah Jones
• For an Angel –Paul Van Dyk
• More to Life –Stacie Orrico
• Lost for Words –Ronan Keating
• Yellow –Cold Play
• Heaven –DJ Sammy & Yanou
• We are alive –Paul Van Dyk
• Let you go –Atb
• Insatiable –Savage Garden
  

Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever!

Strange isn’t it, that one minute you are closer to someone than anyone else in the whole wide world and the next you don’t want to have anything to do with them again because they’ve hurt you in ways you didn’t even think were possible. And even though the decision was yours to break away, it still feels weird. How odd it feels to suddenly cut off all communication with someone whom you were so connected to that you knew what they were doing every minute of every day. So what does one do with all those memories and all that one knows about the person ? What happens to all that one shared with that person which is just between the two of you ? At one point all those memories were a source of joy and now even thinking about it causes pain. The secret code that existed between the two of you that no one else could decipher is lost forever. One wonders if the person will ever share the same with someone else and what it would mean to them then. Would it be the same? Would it have the same value? One wonders whether the person will ever think about it and wonder how and why things turned out like this. Or is it all conveniently forgotten like some bad dream ?

I’ve always believed in keeping my silence once things are over because whatever transpired is between the two of us and no one else has a right to know it, now or ever. I hope the other person feels the same way as I couldn’t bear to think of any third party being privy to my innermost feelings, thoughts and emotions other than the person whom I chose to share it with. I wonder if I would have shared all that I did, if I knew that someday that person would no longer be a part of my life. I guess some things one will never know and if we keep anticipating and worrying about the future it’s very difficult to enjoy the present. I know the smart thing to do is to look ahead and to move on and I have. There is no point in dwelling on the past, but sometimes when things are quiet and my mind wanders, I think of old times when things were so different and then it hurts to feel….

Fairness & Integrity

Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.

-H.Jackson Brown Jr.

Taste

To possess taste one must have some soul !

-Marquis De Vauvenargues

Let these be your desires

Love one another, but make not a bond of love
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping;
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together;
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Poem by Khalil Gibran

Facade

Seems like everyone's an actor or an actor's best friend, I wonder what was wrong to begin with that they should all have to pretend.

-Ani DiFranco

True Reflection

Strangers are exciting, their mystery never ends. But, there's nothing like looking at your own history in the faces of your friends.

-Ani DiFranco

Weak

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

-Abraham Lincoln.

Crying

Crying is the refuge of plain women but the ruin of pretty ones.

-Oscar Wilde

With Power comes Responsibility

When a person takes up a position of responsibilty they must realise that with it comes the onus of acting in a mature and sensible fashion for the great good of the group and admitting your mistakes when you are wrong.Yesterday for the first time in my life I met an individual who was so incapable of taking responsibility for her actions that it was appalling. Inside of admitting that she had made a mistake she played the famous blame game where she pointed fingers at people who were not even present and could not stand up for themselves, then she screamed and accused people who were present for her mistake and finally went on to crying and creating a scene to get sympathy. And the sad part is, men are so weak that when they see a woman crying irrespective of what she has done, all other women present are at fault because we made her cry. I detest people who use tears to get their way, if one is so weak then one should not take up positions of responsibility. It is sad to think that a person can behave so childishly and then expect people to respect them.If one is planning to get into an organisation and behave in such a juvenile fashion then it is very clear that they are not going to get very far in life.

Also what is even more horrifying is that some men are completely spineless, one day they are your friends the next day they change their loyalties because it's convenient.I was so disappointed yesterday to see two of my "so called friends" behaving in a rude, aggressive manner for no reason when all we were trying to do was have a polite civilised conversation with the weak woman. No one was expecting anyone to take sides, but they did and they made it very clear.

These two guys acted like body guards and were refusing to let anyone talk to the weak woman. They just made things worse by constantly answering for her and shielding her from the entire group who wanted some concrete answers from her. Funny how people will jump to help the weak and ridicule the strong, just because we all can't stoop to that level and cry like idiots. They say that some people will get out when they hit rock bottom, others will begin to dig. These guys have started digging.

The Human race has only one real effective weapon and that is laughter

When I was younger I had a strange habit of doing the dumbest things, like trusting people implicitly and assuming that because I trusted them they wouldn't let me down. Then after being badly let down a couple of times I became more worldy wise. But I think old habits die hard, because I made the mistake of trusting someone again without really understanding what kind of a person he was and I paid the price for it. There are some people who lie blatantly to get what they want and some stupid people like me, who believe in the innate goodness of human beings and get fooled. I can't tell you how stupid I feel now for taking everything that was told to me at face value. I really hadn't met someone so diabolical or cunning in the past and never thought anyone could fake so many emotions without meaning a thing.I now realise that people will go to any lengths to get what they want. I thank my stars that I've been lucky to get out of this whole thing before it got any worse.

Initially I was feeling very depressed and upset at being made a fool of and then I spent some time with some of my close friends and had a good laugh. And once your able to see the humour in your stupidity then it's easier to move on and forgive yourself for being so gullible. Afterall everyone is entitled to a few mistakes and having the ability to pick yourself up and move on is what differentiates a mature person from a fool !

Bizarre

Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more entertaining it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show !

-Paraphrased from something I read some place

Belief

In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.

-Blaise Pascal

Honesty is the best policy

Everyone always says that one should be honest, at all costs. But where do you draw the line ? How do you know whether you should tell someone honestly about something you know that could save them a lot of heartache or whether you should keep it to yourself ? Strangely enough people don't appreciate honesty because for starters they think that the only reason that you are telling them something is that you have vested interests or are bitter about past experiences. And i've thought about this for a while and debated with my conscience about it and even subtly tried telling them that they might be making a big mistake. But people have a tendency to see only what they want to see. I think sometimes it's better to let people make their own mistakes. Maybe it's a part of their karma, one can't save everyone !

Winning

Winning isn't everything, but the will to win is everything.

-Vince Lombardi

Violence

The violence done us by others is often less painful than that which we do to ourselves.

-Fracois de la Rochefoucauld

Poetic Justice

Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you
Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you !!!

-Lyrics of Someday You'll know

Despair

I've got it all,
But I feel so deprived,
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside,
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like i'm missing,
And why can't I let it go,
There's gotta be more to life,
Than chasing down every temporary high,
Cause I'm more than that,
There's gotta be more to life....

-Paraphrased from lyrics of "More to life"

Lost

I'm so tired, but I can't sleep,
Standing on the edge of something much too deep,
It's strange how I can feel so much, but can't say a word,
I'm screaming inside, but I can't be heard !

-Paraphrased from lyrics I heard some place

Top Ten Favorite Songs for the Month of Jan

• Ecstasy –Atb
• Collide –Howie Day
• Look After You – The Fray
• Flame it –Mekkanika
• Let Go –Frou Frou
• Into the dark –Ben Lee
• Feel Alive –Atb
• Friends –DJ Sakins
• Someday you'll know - New Radicals
• New York City – Paul Van Dyk
  

To Those I Love

If there ever is a tomorrow when i'm not around...there is something you must always remember... you are braver than you believe....stronger than you think...and smarter than you know...but the most important thing is... i'll always be with you....

Realisation

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

-Frederick Keonig

Life is about Timing

By the end of last year I had lost my peace of mind, my ability to laugh when things got me down, my ability to roll with the punches. I was hurt, upset, sad, jaded and worried about the future.

On New Years Eve, as I hurriedly got ready, I suddenly noticed that I was wearing only one earring and had misplaced one of my favourite earrings. I searched high and low for it but couldn’t find it. Just then my friends arrived to pick me up and so I stopped looking for it, found another pair of earrings and left as I didn’t want to keep them waiting. As I sat in the car and looked out, I felt sad at having lost my earring, it seemed like the icing on the cake. Each time I believed that things could not get worse, they would. Everything that could have gone wrong had in the past week, and I was really sick and tired of things. But then I figured that I should not dampen everyone else’s mood by whining. So I made a conscious effort to forget about everything and enjoy myself.

I had a lovely New Years Eve celebration and fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning at a friends place.

When I woke up on 1st Jan 2008, as I sat up in bed and looked at the pillow I found my lost earring lying there. I have absolutely no idea how it got there. It’s completely bizarre since I lost it at my place and I found it at a friends place. But I think its sign, maybe this year I’m going to find those things I lost last year….I think there's hope still…

Friends

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over." -Gloria Naylor

I know i've behaved like a fool on many occasions and gotten myself into all kinds of stupid situations. The only way I've been able to get through it all has been because of my friends. I'm really lucky to have quite a few close friends who've stood by me through everything. Sorry for boring you all with my whining ! This one goes out to all of you....

Pearl, Sushma, Anusha, Sapna, Salil, Apprameya, Vijay Shankar,Cecilia, Sneha & Surbhi

Thank You !

Love ya always!

Spontaneity

The essence of pleasure is spontaneity.

-Germaine Greer

Work

Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results.

-James Allen

He

He glances at me,
Then he looks away,
So many things I want to say,
But I take his cue and look away,
And think of things so far away,

The moonlight glints on the sea,
And I think of how we used to be,
Slow dancing in the rain,
His hands wrapped tightly around me,
I know that he can ease the pain,
And this is where I want to be,

I feel the blood course through my veins,
I feel his arms surround me,
I feel at home in his embrace,
I’m in a secure place,

Candlelit dinners on the roof,
Long walks by the bay,
My fingers entwined in his,
As we gaze lovingly at each other in bliss,

We watch the flames dance on the sheets,
He holds me close and won’t let me sleep,
We listen to music by the beat,
He writes song lyrics that are oh so deep,

How things change as time goes by,
I wish I could understand why,
But for now, I think of old times when we watched the sea,
And planned things for both him and me….

-Poppy

Sense of Humour

A sense of humour is needed armour, it helps one deal with life and shows that the person has a pretty good grasp of life.

Music

Music is an outburst of the soul.

-Frederick Delius

Complicated

I like you just the way you are,
But sometimes u seem strange by far,
It's like you're someone else,
Why do u have to be so complicated ??
You're getting me totally frustrated !!

You turn me on,
Then you turn me off like a flashlight,
I stay up all night,
But i still don't know who you are,
Why do you have to be so complicated??
When am I going to be satiated ??

How can you be so intense,
And then have no substance,
Why do you have to be so complicated??
When am i going to be appreciated ??

You promise to be good,
Love me like you should,
If its straight from the heart,
Then why do you tear me apart,
Why do you have to be so complicated??
Are you ever going to be domesticated ??

Maybe your just misunderstood,
Are your intentions good ??
Why does life have to be so complicated ??
Why can't life be like u want to make it ??

-Poppy (16th Nov, 2004)

Peace

If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.

-Tenzin Gyatso

Love and Pain

The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel pain.

-Jennifer Aniston

Good Friends

A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.

-Jim Morrison

Trust

"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you"

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Everything Changes

"One minute, you're closer to someone than anyone in the whole world,
next minute, you're never going to see them again..."

-Bridget Jones - The Edge of Reason

Heartache

All of my regret will wash away some how,
But I will never forget the way I feel right now !

-Paraphrased from song lyrics I read some place.

Lessons I've learned over the past year

• I've learned that people who have huge egos lose great friends
• I've learned that having expectations just leads to disapppointments
• I've learned that dancing with the devil to make him a saint is a stupid idea
• I've learned that some people are selfish and accepting it is better than trying to change it
• I've learned that help and solace in time of difficulties comes from unexpected sources
• I've learned that crying makes one feel better
• I've learned that good friends know exactly how to cheer you up
• I've learned that getting your heart broken hurts physically as much as it does emotionally
• I've learned that some people are just too stubborn and stupid to change
• I've learnt that class doesn't come from money but from good upbringing and values
• I've learned that no matter how much you do for some people they still treat you like dirt
• I've learned that being a nice person does not ensure that others will be nice to you
• I've learned that a kind word or deed can go a long way in making someone feel good
• I've learned that people who genuinely care are not ashamed to show it
• I've learned not to take what people say at face value
• I've learned that the harder you try to make something work, the greater are the chances of it not working out
• I've learned that people who keep changing their minds are not genuine
• I've learned that you learn something new everyday if you pay enough attention
• I've learned that it is important to learn to let go and move on
• I've learned that some people have no conscience
• I've learned that a hug can make me feel better when nothing else does
• I've learned that people who make you cry and don't feel remorse are not worth bothering about
• I've learned that talking about things always makes me feel better
• I've learned that always apologising for others mistakes and making up is not worth it after a point
• I've learned that some people just cannot admit that they are wrong
• I've learned that consistency in relationships is important to me
• I've learned that I have very strong intuition about people close to me
• I've learned that you never find yourself until you learn to face the truth
• I've learned that if you are unable to find tranquility within yourself it is useless to seek it elsewhere
• I've learned not to trust implicitly
• I've learned that you can sit in a room full of people and still feel lonely
• I've learned that the people that hurt you the most are usually the ones you least expect
• I've learned that some people are insensitive
• I've learned that some people can empathise way better than others
• I've learned that some times comfort can be given without speaking a word
• I've learned that going for a long drive with nice music helps me think and unwind
• I've learned that I cannot live without music
• I've learned that, one should never impose on others what one would not choose for ones self
• I've learned that everything has a moral, the problem is finding it
• I've learned that there are no failures, just experiences and your reactions to them
• I've learned that we are not limited by our abilities, but by our vision
• I've learned that words and ideas can change the world
• I've learned that some times I just need to be on my own
• I've learned that some people can lie without batting an eyelid
• I've learned that I am responsible for my own happiness
• I've learned that if you let people they will take you for granted
• I've learned that people who can't laugh at themselves are hard to live with
• I've learned that learning when to speak and when to keep quiet is extremely important
• I've learned that people who don't communicate are difficult to deal with
• I've learned that words have the power to hurt more than deeds
• I've learned that it hurts to feel

Top Ten Favorite Songs for December

My favorite songs of the month are :-

• Renegade - ATB
• Let Go -Paul Van Dyke
• Fields of Love -ATB
• It's not over -Chris Daughtry
• Beautiful Liar - Beyonce Knowles
• Breathe Me -Sia
• Umbrella - Rihanna
• I wanna Love you -Akon
• Don't think of me -Dido
• Something Just are the way they are - ATB

There is nothing half so pleasant as coming home again....

Finally back home after five months ! Such a relief to be back to the old and the familiar, it's strange how some things give comfort just by being the same. Come to think of it , I think that's what most of us look for in life, stability or consistency in relationships or in anything for the matter. That's what keeps one sane when other things go crazily out of orbit !

I've spent the past five months in Singapore and it's been an enlightening and enjoyable experience. During the time away from home, I've grown a lot and learnt a hellavu lot about myself and about people in general. Strange how staying with people makes you bond so much faster with them. I never thought i'd miss my friends in my holiday break, I guess it's weird when I think about how I didn't even know these people five months back and now I miss them when I don't see them everyday ! I guess home is not a place where you live, but a place where they understand you...

Letting Go n Moving On

"Sometimes it makes me sad, though, Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are just too bright... and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice... but still, the place you live is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend. "

-Excerpt from Shawshank Redemption

Resilience

We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed.
-Viktor E. Frankl

Growing up

Learning to own your burdens is half the battle in life , and once you do that, you learn to take responsibility for your actions.

Loss of a loved one

The moment you lose someone you love, is the moment you lose a part of yourself...

Compassion

You cannot care about everything and stay sane. You cannot care about nothing and stay human.
- Katherine Whitehorn